If I were a day of the week I would be: yesterday
If I were a planet I would be: Neptune
If I were an animal I would be: a tiger
If I were a direction I would be: nowhere fast
If I were a historical figure I would be: an egyptian pharaoh
If I were a liquid I would be: blood
If I were a flower/plant I would be: hemlock
If I were a kind of weather I would be: a storm
If I were a musical instrument I would be: a piano
If I were an emotion I would be: melancholy
If I were a color I would be: dark green
If I were a vegetable I would be: a tomato
If I were a sound I would be: a scream
If I were an element I would be: the fifth
If I were a car I would be: Match 5 from Speed Racer
If I were a social gathering I would be: a funeral
If I were a song I would be: “Welcome to my life” by Simple Plan
If I were a movie I would be directed by: Peter Jackson
If I were a book I would be written by: RL Stine
If I were a food I would be: pepper
If I were a place I would be: “the other side”
If I were a material I would be: rusty iron
If I were a sin I would be: lust
If I were a taste I would be: so sweet that it hurts your mouth
If I were a scent I would be: smoke
If I were a word I would be: God
If I were an object I would be: a mirror
If I were a game I would be: chess
If I were a body part I would be: the heart
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Muttley
If I were a shape I would be a: a tesseract
If I were a card I woul be: a king of hearts
If I were a number I would be: 15
If I were a weapon I would be: a knife
If I were a Country I would be: Canada
If I were a disease I would be: cancer
If I were a Holiday I would be: Christmas Eve
If I were a President I would be: dead
If I were a shoe I would be: the old one

Yeah, so what everyone has a list like this? I like it too